I’ll get straight to the point. I am 38 weeks pregnant and I am POOPING my pants (hopefully not literally during labour) about giving birth again.
The first time you find yourself in the run up to the big D Day (due date), it’s a worrying, scary but unknown time. Your brain can’t ever imagine what you’re actually going to go through. You have to wait it out until it’s time. Of course, you can come up with all sorts of different scenarios but ultimately you don’t really know what’s heading your way.
The second time you have more of an idea what’s coming…
And I’m not convinced that is a good thing at this moment in time!
I am dreading that first contraction and having all the memories of the first time come flooding back in one big whoosh. Every birth is different, so technically I could experience something completely different but I seem to have managed to work myself up into a state of being scared of all outcomes!
I would love to have a water birth in a dark, relaxed room in hopsital, but at the same time I am happy to take ALL the drugs offered. When it comes to birth plans I’m happy to go with the flow and listen to the midwives’ advice.
During my last labour I had one paracetamol, threw it up, didn’t have the TENS machine on properly and gas and air made my face feel like it was going to melt off, so I ended up doing a 16 hour labour pretty much au natural. Not particularly out of choice, I may add, it just happened. When I’m in a lot of pain, I tend to just hide away and go completely quiet.
People seem to think this means I’ll be totally fine this time. If I could do it natural one time then I can do it again easy peasy, no worries. HA. My brain can’t even cope with the finer details of last time and I do explicitly remember saying ‘never ever again’ afterwards, so it can’t have been that great. I’ve had to re-read my birth story from last time to try and remember what happened. I was awake for almost two days, so was utterly shattered afterwards, and felt like I’d been run over by a truck (numerous times).
I am trying out hypnobirthing again this time, even though it didn’t really help last time. I’m willing to try everything possible. This time I’m at my parents, who have a much bigger bath than we do at home so at least I can be in there for a while before going to hospital (where I probably won’t get the pool. There’s only one).
I’m also trying to actively hunt out positive birth mantras, and the like, but who knows if they will help. Let me know if you know any good sites…
My brain just keeps jumping back to the pain, all the different things that could go wrong, CROWNING, the aftermath. It’s never ending, I’m barely getting any sleep! The fact that you have no idea when you’re going to go into labour doesn’t help the situation. Every significant pain that comes along makes me go ‘oh my gaaaaaaaawd, am I going into labout?!’.
Any tips on how to calm the nerves? I don’t think the lack of midwife appointments has been helping the situation either to be honest…!