Ah. This question. I get asked it a lot at the moment. Probably because they amount of moaning I’ve been doing about my struggle with the juggle. The juggle of motherhood, careerhood (not a word), blogging and YouTubehood (definitely not a word), wifehood (haha) and friendhood (that sounds quite fun).
The truthful answer is, I don’t know. I really don’t know.
My ideal at the moment would be two – three days in my ‘day job’, one – two days for my blog and YouTube job and a Friday, and the weekend, with my kids. It’s not going to happen though. Or at least it doesn’t feel like that just now.
It feels like I’d either have to go all or nothing with one of the jobs and not do the other, which I’m not prepared to do.
I don’t want to lose my security of an income every month and a career that I would still have even if everyone on YouTube decided they didn’t want to follow me anymore. It basically boils down to confidence and that, my friends, is not something I have a lot of!
I like my office, it’s an easy commute (bar the ridiculous traffic in my area), I really like my colleagues, it’s a good job, there are good opportunities, it’s a good income, with good benefits, so it would be hard to give it all up to venture into the unknown.
It’s just me. No agency, no network, no representation, when it comes to my blog/YouTube channel/social media and so the thought of completely and utterly being reliant on myself, and no one else, TERRIFIES me.
I did reach a stage last year where my stats were really increasing week on week, and I did allow myself to think about doing it full time, but that’s slightly changed now and I’m back to just being too damn scared!
Then again, more time with my beautiful kiddos sounds amazing. I miss them. I miss them a lot just now. I’m scared I’m going to have a massive ball of regret hit me in about five years and there will be nothing I can do about it that far down the line. It’s just going to be the kids and I for most the year (thanks to our old friends, the Royal Navy) so will they need me more? Will I be able to give them enough support in the time we have?
I LOVE working and could never be a stay at home parent (hats off to you ladies and gentlemen who are) but I am just craving more of a balance in my life.
Aren’t we all?