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A UK Pregnancy, Parenting and Lifestyle Blog
November 17, 2017

When your baby won’t sleep

There is nothing quite like the feeling of dread you get when you know you are going to face another night of countless wake ups and battles to get your baby to sleep. I remember getting a slightly anxious feeling when I first had Little I and she would go through sleep regressions, but nothing prepared me for the close-to-breaking-point feelings I get, now that we have a serial non sleeper in our second child, L.

 

A bit of background for you. He has had continuous sleep problems since the day he was born. Suffering from silent reflux and a cow’s milk protein intolerance mean that naps barely existed as a newborn. I would have to walk around with him upright until he fell asleep and the gradually put him down in his basket, before he would then wakeup again about 10-15 minutes later and we would have to go through the whole process again. It. Was. Exhausting.

The silent reflux got treated with various medicines. Ranitidine gave me my baby back and let me feel like a proper mum for a few weeks (hello nap times and more structured bed times to give us all a bit more routine and relief) but would start to wear off pretty quickly and we would soon be back to square one. He is now on omeprazole and that seems to help during the day, but we still get bad flare ups at night. 

We got to a stage, when he was about eight months old, where we would have these huge battles to get him to go to sleep but once he actually did, he only woke up once or twice in the night. That was do-able. I’m actually almost sure I preferred that situation compared to our current one.

 Gentle controlled crying was what ended up sorting out our bedtimes. I’ll do a post on that soon. He now goes down, with barely any problems, at 7pm every night – compared to the up to two hours of screaming we had to contend with beforehand. But between the hours of midnight and 6am it’s anyone’s guess what’s going to happen. A good night is anything less than three wake ups. A bad night can be between six and eight.

 I know not all babies sleep through the night. I know all babies are different. I know it’s perfectly normal for them to wake up a couple times through the night. But I don’t think it’s right that he’s currently averaging waking up six times a night for what seems to be no apparent reason. Having to go to work for 8am four days a week on three or four hours broken sleep is horrendous and we need to get it sorted.

 I’m also conscious that the husband will be back at sea soon and I’ll be doing this solo again. The thought of not having anyone to share the nightly wake ups fills me with worry and makes me feel sick. You reach this level of exhaustion where you have no idea how you are still functioning but somehow you are.

 We’ve tried controlled crying through the night. We don’t pick him up, unless to put him back down on his back or is he is utterly inconsolable. We don’t rock him. We don’t take him into bed with us. We don’t give him milk any more, only water. We just check his nappy is ok, check he is comfortable and stroke his face and pat his tummy to try and calm him down. We have changed his reflux medicine to the evening in case it was wearing off throughout the day. We have taken away any incentive to get up through the night, yet he still insists!

 I have no answers at the moment. I’m investigating a few sleep therapists and courses so will keep you updated.

 Does your little one sleep well? Or are they a bit of a sleep dodger like my DARLING son (haha)?

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9 comments so far.

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Kisses and cuddles with my faves 💖💫 Kisses and cuddles with my faves 💖💫
‘Each of us as citizens, has a role to play in c ‘Each of us as citizens, has a role to play in creating a better world for our children.’ - Nelson Mandela ❤️
It’s not enough though, is it? We’ve always h It’s not enough though, is it?

We’ve always had diverse toys in our house (not enough, but I’m working on it ❤️), but when questioned ‘why do you buy your kids Black dolls?’, I’ve faltered and answered incorrectly. I would respond saying ‘because that’s the doll Isla liked the best. What does it matter? We’re all human’, rather than questioning why that person is questioning it in the first place.

In a massive learning curve this week, where I am actively trying to become an anti-racist ally, not just anti-racist/non racist in general, I have found so many shortcomings in my effort to educate my kids and in my own attitudes towards race. But this isn’t about me. So here are some resources I’d like to share on top of the ones shared in my stories.

Some books to read:
Me and White Supremacy - Layla F. Saad.
Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race - Reni Eddo-Lodge.
How to argue with a racist - Adam Rutherford.
Brit(ish) - Afua Hirsch.
White Fragility - Robin Diangelo.
I Am Not Your Baby Mother - Candice Brathwaite.
So You Want to Talk About Race - Ijeoma Oluo.

Diverse kids books:
Anti Racist Baby - X. Kendi.
Riley Can Be Anything -Davina Hamilton.
Look Up - Nathan Bryon.
Mae Among The Stars - Roda Ahmed.
The Mega Magic Hair Swap - Rochelle Humes.
Let’s Talk About Race - Julius Lester.
Welcome To Our World - Moira Butterfield and Harriet Lynas.
This Book Is Antiracist - Tiffany Jewell.
The Extraordinary Gardener - Sam Boughton.
Let The Children March - Monica Clark-Robinson.
Ruby’s Worry - Tom Percival.
A Kids Book About Racism - Jelani Memory.

Some things to watch:
When They See Us.
13th.
Who Killed Malcom X.
Time: The Kalief Browder Story.
Explained: The Racial Wealth Gap.
Dear White People.
I am Not Your Negro.

My to do list:
- Sign more petitions.
- Donate to more causes.
- Listen to podcasts and share.
- Encourage changes in the school curriculum so that my children, and their classmates, get a better, much more rounded and diverse education.
- Call things out.
- Have honest/open conversations.
- Share content.
- To keep educating myself, whilst never expecting others to do it for me.

It’s just a starting point.

Thanks for listening x
Black Lives Matter. I can never pretend to unders Black Lives Matter.

I can never pretend to understand, but I will always stand.

I’ve been on a huge learning curve this week and have, shamefully, come to the realisation, which I should have a long time ago, that it’s not enough to just not be racist. We must also be actively anti-racist and do everything in our power to ensure our children are too.

Today is a day to stop, listen, support, educate ourselves, donate, sign petitions, take action in any way we can, big and small, to make sure that everyone knows we stand with our fellow humans, family and friends. But we can’t just do this today. We must do it each and every day going forward ✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼✊🏻
And breathe! First day without both my babies for And breathe! First day without both my babies for the first time in 10 weeks today and it couldn’t have gone better. Both had wonderful days and were full of stories when they got home. I said over on stories last night, which got an incredible response so thank you to everyone who reached out, that I am completely comfortable with my choice to send the kids back to school and nursery but would never, ever judge anyone who felt different. We are all in different boats in this storm we’ve found ourselves in and what works for my family, might not work for yours. I have deliberately stayed out of the ‘are you sending your kids back or not?’ debate as it started to feel like another toxic discussion, in the media and on social media, that was resulting in yet another parenting divide.
I could have had the kids in this whole time, under key worker provision, but tried my best to hang on till the phased reopenings that I hoped would happen when they did. They were what I was aiming towards. Don’t get me wrong, I have LOVED having the kids at home together for such a sustained period, we have made lots of memories and learnt so much more about each other, but mixed in with the nature of my job and the fact that @thisdadalife is deployed and so I’m on my own with minimal support, I couldn’t have gone on much longer.
When I got in from dropping them off today, and as I went upstairs to work at my desk, I literally collapsed on the stairs and almost cried in relief. Relief that we made it through, as dramatic as that sounds. I don’t think I realised the toll it was taking mentally as I was constantly running on adrenaline.
I am so happy to get a bit more balance back and to, most importantly, feel like a better mum again. Not a snappy trying to juggle it all 24/7 with no break mum.
If you sent your kids back today, whether you wanted to or not, I’m with you and support you.
If you have kept them home in your bubble for longer, I’m with you and support you.
If you’re still unsure what to do and are undecided, I am with you and support you.
Nobody knows the full extent of someone else’s circumstances and we have to stop and realise that before we judge anyone else ❤️
Ibiza vibes in Puerto Gardeno today 😂☀️😅 Ibiza vibes in Puerto Gardeno today 😂☀️😅
This is the first year in YEARS that I have felt ok wearing a bikini. And I feel like it’s more down to how strong I feel, rather than how I look. Whatever it is, I hope it continues ❤️
On another note, how tanned does the @filterbymollymae fake tan make you look! 🙌🏻
(Both bikini and cover up are from last year).
#losingmyboobstho #youwinsomeyoulosesomehaha
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