So that’s it. We’re half way through . And when I say ‘that’s it’, I think I really mean ‘is that it!?’! I am honestly shocked that we are only half way through. It feels like it’s been bloody years since he left. An absolute age. I know everyone means well when they say ‘wow, you’re half way through now, that’s so good’ but inside I just want to shout ‘BUT IT’S BEEN SOOOO LONG. SO VERY, VERY LONG OMGGGG’.
Between the two hospital admissions with the youngest, the eldest starting school, various injuries with both children, safety issues in the area we live in, a flat tyre, other things deciding to spontaneously stop working in the car, a potential leak in the bathroom, household appliances ganging up on me and breaking, and all sorts of other ‘character building’ experiences (such as dropping a drill on my foot), it does genuinely feel like we have been on our own for much longer than we have. The thought that we still have to do the amount of time we have already done again is, for want of a better description, soul destroying!
My patience is wearing more thin by the day and the sheer exhaustion of it all has me falling asleep whilst literally standing up at the moment. Happened when I was washing dishes the other day. True story. I hate being the snappy, grumpy, irritable mum, instead of the fun mum, but balancing the needs of two young children, work, the house and myself doesn’t make for a very positive mental attitude sometimes.
Waking up each day and knowing it’s all on you is hard, military parent or solo parent. I think with us military parents, who are solo parenting, it’s really hard not to feel resentment towards the partner that isn’t there. The partner who only has their own needs to tend to and actually 99.9% of the time don’t even need to cook for themselves!!! I mean imagine that haha. You can be in the happiest marriage ever, but to be left behind with the kids, often with no contact with your partner who is away, it’s going to start to wear anyone down.
We are trying hard to keep super busy but in turn I think that’s probably causing an issue it itself. It’s a double edged sword. Get more rest but let the anxiety and sadness creep in, or keep super busy and end up beyond tired. Choices choices!
The kids are struggling again too. I’m getting a lot more questions about Dada and a lot more ‘Dada must be coming back next week, yes? It’s been long time’ statements from the four year old. She even threw the countdown board across the room and broke it the other weekend *insert shocked face and do you know how much that cost face emoji here*.
BUT HEY, it’s not all doom and gloom. We’re still all getting out of the house in one piece each day. The house is way tidier than it ever is than when our darling sailor is around. We’re proving each day that ‘we’ve got this’, one way or another. We know who our support network are. And half way through is better than just being two weeks in so I’ll take it. I’ll take it and run off into the sunset…well probably just to my fridge to grab a gin and celebrate haha.
Thanks for reading x