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A UK Pregnancy, Parenting and Lifestyle Blog
January 9, 2017

How to help your children cope with deployment

how to help your children cope with deployment

We’ve just completed a six month deployment and thought we would share some tips that helped our toddler out whilst her dad was away, in the hope it’ll help your little ones if needed.

  1. Get a Huggable Hero – these little stuffed toys in the shape of a loved one are absolutely genius. They are one of those things where you are like ‘I wish I’d come up with that – it’s so clever!’. A Huggable hero is a toy that has your loved one’s full length photo printed onto it, front and back. They are so great as a comfort for your little one and also a good way of keeping your deployed partner integrated into day to day life.
  2. Make a journal or video diary of what you’re all getting up to – we are lucky that, through the power of YouTube and vlogging, we’ve filmed deployment diaries which R has been able to catch up with when alongside but you don’t have to anything as intense as that! Just for a couple clips on your phone. Anything to keep them updated with life at home. It will help your child have something positive to focus on too.
  3. Get them to send little video clips to play when there’s no contact. The husband filmed clips of him saying things such as ‘Morning __, are you having breakfast? Did you have a good sleepy’, ‘Is it bathtime now? Are you going to play with the ducks again?’ etc, for different times of the day. It works well for when they’re young enough to be tricked into thinking it’s FaceTime/Skype!
  4. Have a recording of them reading favourite stories for bed time – this has been a huge one for us. I recorded R reading Little I the story he read her every night before he left and she’s watched the recording every single night since he left. She loves it. I just can’t read it the same way he does! There’s also the Infantino Tell Me a Story Bedtime Lamp that you can send bluetooth recordings to play out loud.
  5. Talk about them every day – I found it helped our toddler to remember and express her feelings about ‘dada’ when we talked about him. It can be as simple as ‘oh remember when you and dada did this?’ or ‘where is dada today?’. Little I likes to tell everyone her ‘dada is on boat doing ‘werk”.
  6. Send out boxes each month and involve the kids – write letters, draw pictures, collect things whilst out and about that remind the kids of their day, buy treats and send it all out through the BFPO system. It’s free for 2kg packages, which is great! 
  7. Have a countdown – whether it’s an app, a calendar, a chalkboard, whatever works, it’s a good idea to have a visual countdown in the house somewhere.
  8. Make exciting plans for when they are back – we are planning a couple little trips and some fun family activities/days out to enjoy once R is back. Can’t wait!
  9. Be patient – your little one is bound to play up at some point and it’s important to remember how overwhelming it must feel for them at times. They can’t express their emotions as well as us so will often let it build up, then have a melt down. The joys!
  10. Stick to routines – most kids thrive with routines. Try to stick to the same sort of routine, after your partner has deployed, before changing anything around, so that they still feel comfortable with that aspect of their life.

Hope this helps!

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Kisses and cuddles with my faves 💖💫 Kisses and cuddles with my faves 💖💫
‘Each of us as citizens, has a role to play in c ‘Each of us as citizens, has a role to play in creating a better world for our children.’ - Nelson Mandela ❤️
It’s not enough though, is it? We’ve always h It’s not enough though, is it?

We’ve always had diverse toys in our house (not enough, but I’m working on it ❤️), but when questioned ‘why do you buy your kids Black dolls?’, I’ve faltered and answered incorrectly. I would respond saying ‘because that’s the doll Isla liked the best. What does it matter? We’re all human’, rather than questioning why that person is questioning it in the first place.

In a massive learning curve this week, where I am actively trying to become an anti-racist ally, not just anti-racist/non racist in general, I have found so many shortcomings in my effort to educate my kids and in my own attitudes towards race. But this isn’t about me. So here are some resources I’d like to share on top of the ones shared in my stories.

Some books to read:
Me and White Supremacy - Layla F. Saad.
Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race - Reni Eddo-Lodge.
How to argue with a racist - Adam Rutherford.
Brit(ish) - Afua Hirsch.
White Fragility - Robin Diangelo.
I Am Not Your Baby Mother - Candice Brathwaite.
So You Want to Talk About Race - Ijeoma Oluo.

Diverse kids books:
Anti Racist Baby - X. Kendi.
Riley Can Be Anything -Davina Hamilton.
Look Up - Nathan Bryon.
Mae Among The Stars - Roda Ahmed.
The Mega Magic Hair Swap - Rochelle Humes.
Let’s Talk About Race - Julius Lester.
Welcome To Our World - Moira Butterfield and Harriet Lynas.
This Book Is Antiracist - Tiffany Jewell.
The Extraordinary Gardener - Sam Boughton.
Let The Children March - Monica Clark-Robinson.
Ruby’s Worry - Tom Percival.
A Kids Book About Racism - Jelani Memory.

Some things to watch:
When They See Us.
13th.
Who Killed Malcom X.
Time: The Kalief Browder Story.
Explained: The Racial Wealth Gap.
Dear White People.
I am Not Your Negro.

My to do list:
- Sign more petitions.
- Donate to more causes.
- Listen to podcasts and share.
- Encourage changes in the school curriculum so that my children, and their classmates, get a better, much more rounded and diverse education.
- Call things out.
- Have honest/open conversations.
- Share content.
- To keep educating myself, whilst never expecting others to do it for me.

It’s just a starting point.

Thanks for listening x
Black Lives Matter. I can never pretend to unders Black Lives Matter.

I can never pretend to understand, but I will always stand.

I’ve been on a huge learning curve this week and have, shamefully, come to the realisation, which I should have a long time ago, that it’s not enough to just not be racist. We must also be actively anti-racist and do everything in our power to ensure our children are too.

Today is a day to stop, listen, support, educate ourselves, donate, sign petitions, take action in any way we can, big and small, to make sure that everyone knows we stand with our fellow humans, family and friends. But we can’t just do this today. We must do it each and every day going forward ✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼✊🏻
And breathe! First day without both my babies for And breathe! First day without both my babies for the first time in 10 weeks today and it couldn’t have gone better. Both had wonderful days and were full of stories when they got home. I said over on stories last night, which got an incredible response so thank you to everyone who reached out, that I am completely comfortable with my choice to send the kids back to school and nursery but would never, ever judge anyone who felt different. We are all in different boats in this storm we’ve found ourselves in and what works for my family, might not work for yours. I have deliberately stayed out of the ‘are you sending your kids back or not?’ debate as it started to feel like another toxic discussion, in the media and on social media, that was resulting in yet another parenting divide.
I could have had the kids in this whole time, under key worker provision, but tried my best to hang on till the phased reopenings that I hoped would happen when they did. They were what I was aiming towards. Don’t get me wrong, I have LOVED having the kids at home together for such a sustained period, we have made lots of memories and learnt so much more about each other, but mixed in with the nature of my job and the fact that @thisdadalife is deployed and so I’m on my own with minimal support, I couldn’t have gone on much longer.
When I got in from dropping them off today, and as I went upstairs to work at my desk, I literally collapsed on the stairs and almost cried in relief. Relief that we made it through, as dramatic as that sounds. I don’t think I realised the toll it was taking mentally as I was constantly running on adrenaline.
I am so happy to get a bit more balance back and to, most importantly, feel like a better mum again. Not a snappy trying to juggle it all 24/7 with no break mum.
If you sent your kids back today, whether you wanted to or not, I’m with you and support you.
If you have kept them home in your bubble for longer, I’m with you and support you.
If you’re still unsure what to do and are undecided, I am with you and support you.
Nobody knows the full extent of someone else’s circumstances and we have to stop and realise that before we judge anyone else ❤️
Ibiza vibes in Puerto Gardeno today 😂☀️😅 Ibiza vibes in Puerto Gardeno today 😂☀️😅
This is the first year in YEARS that I have felt ok wearing a bikini. And I feel like it’s more down to how strong I feel, rather than how I look. Whatever it is, I hope it continues ❤️
On another note, how tanned does the @filterbymollymae fake tan make you look! 🙌🏻
(Both bikini and cover up are from last year).
#losingmyboobstho #youwinsomeyoulosesomehaha
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