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A UK Pregnancy, Parenting and Lifestyle Blog
July 23, 2018

One Weekend In: Deployment Diaries

When it comes to deployment, weekends are the worst. And bank holiday weekends, even worse. Oh, and Easter, and Christmas, and any form of time off work where you should be spending it with loved ones. Not that my kids aren’t my loved ones, but you know what I mean haha!!

We’ve just done weekend number one of this deployment and it was rubbish (I use this word instead of a word I’d really like to use in case my Nana reads this. Hi Nana!). Well it wasn’t all rubbish, but in the most part I felt rubbish. I just wanted someone to pop out from behind a bush or something and shout ‘DON’T WORRY IT WAS ALL A JOKE, HE’LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK’. These are the sorts of things I now fantasise about. Along with inventing a time machine that would catapult me six months into the future or (sometimes) finding a way to ship the kids out via BFPO post to R’s ship. The last one is a joke…kind of.

I managed to keep us pretty busy during the day seeing friends, going for lunch, going to soft play (woo), going to a birthday party, going to a country park, basically going anywhere where didn’t involve going home for large periods of time. We did snuggle up and watch two Disney movies on Sunday afternoon, but that’s because I had managed to suitably tire them out beyond destroying the house levels of energy by the time we got home. There’s just something rather depressing about being in your house with someone missing. Constant reminders of them not being there. Wow that sounds morbid. I just mean while we’re in this fresh stage of being apart, it’s harder to be around things like the biscuits he left behind.

I find the night times 100 times worse. That’s when the quietness and loneliness really ramp up. And especially at the weekends. People are much busier with their own lives from Friday to Sunday. It’s their own time to catch up with their loved ones who they may not have seen much of over the week. They don’t need Mrs Misery Guts (that’s me) dragging down their weekend. So I tend to stay away and not contact anyone. I’m lucky in a sense that I always have so much work on. There’s always something to distract me. Always a video to film or edit, always a blog post to write, always emails to answer, always photos to edit, always comments and messages to answer, always Love Island to watch. And if all that fails there is always, ALWAYS washing to do.

We got a bit of contact with R over the weekend. Whatsapps and one phone call, which was nice. I missed a video call on Sunday night which I’m gutted about because they’re off to sea for the whole week and it will just be email and satellite phone contact (oh the delights). I literally crave seeing his face at the moment. Is that weird? Probably. Especially because his beard is out of control just now and, in my opinion, he looks a little ridiculous!

The kids are reacting in very different ways. L has become Mr Cling On and literally follows me round the house going ‘CUDDLE MEEEEEE’ (one of his only phrases at the moment) and Meelies is a ticking time bomb of rage. She’ll be completely fine one second and then the next it’s like a different (very angry) little girl has been teleported to wherever I’m standing. No joke, she almost ripped our toilet roll holder off the wall the other day because the toilet roll had run out. I’d like to point out she didn’t need any toilet roll at this moment in time, she was just devastated it was finished. Sigh.

Ah well. One weekend down. Only twenty five more to go. Anyone want to come be my live in nanny? I’ll pay you in unlimited prosecco, gin and pizza with Sky TV and Netflix thrown in too…

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thismamalife

Working mum to 2 👦🏼👧🏼
Wanderer/Military Wife 🌍
💌 sarah@thismamalife.com
💻 thismamalife.com
📽 YT: thismamalife
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Find me here!👇🏻

Kisses and cuddles with my faves 💖💫 Kisses and cuddles with my faves 💖💫
‘Each of us as citizens, has a role to play in c ‘Each of us as citizens, has a role to play in creating a better world for our children.’ - Nelson Mandela ❤️
It’s not enough though, is it? We’ve always h It’s not enough though, is it?

We’ve always had diverse toys in our house (not enough, but I’m working on it ❤️), but when questioned ‘why do you buy your kids Black dolls?’, I’ve faltered and answered incorrectly. I would respond saying ‘because that’s the doll Isla liked the best. What does it matter? We’re all human’, rather than questioning why that person is questioning it in the first place.

In a massive learning curve this week, where I am actively trying to become an anti-racist ally, not just anti-racist/non racist in general, I have found so many shortcomings in my effort to educate my kids and in my own attitudes towards race. But this isn’t about me. So here are some resources I’d like to share on top of the ones shared in my stories.

Some books to read:
Me and White Supremacy - Layla F. Saad.
Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race - Reni Eddo-Lodge.
How to argue with a racist - Adam Rutherford.
Brit(ish) - Afua Hirsch.
White Fragility - Robin Diangelo.
I Am Not Your Baby Mother - Candice Brathwaite.
So You Want to Talk About Race - Ijeoma Oluo.

Diverse kids books:
Anti Racist Baby - X. Kendi.
Riley Can Be Anything -Davina Hamilton.
Look Up - Nathan Bryon.
Mae Among The Stars - Roda Ahmed.
The Mega Magic Hair Swap - Rochelle Humes.
Let’s Talk About Race - Julius Lester.
Welcome To Our World - Moira Butterfield and Harriet Lynas.
This Book Is Antiracist - Tiffany Jewell.
The Extraordinary Gardener - Sam Boughton.
Let The Children March - Monica Clark-Robinson.
Ruby’s Worry - Tom Percival.
A Kids Book About Racism - Jelani Memory.

Some things to watch:
When They See Us.
13th.
Who Killed Malcom X.
Time: The Kalief Browder Story.
Explained: The Racial Wealth Gap.
Dear White People.
I am Not Your Negro.

My to do list:
- Sign more petitions.
- Donate to more causes.
- Listen to podcasts and share.
- Encourage changes in the school curriculum so that my children, and their classmates, get a better, much more rounded and diverse education.
- Call things out.
- Have honest/open conversations.
- Share content.
- To keep educating myself, whilst never expecting others to do it for me.

It’s just a starting point.

Thanks for listening x
Black Lives Matter. I can never pretend to unders Black Lives Matter.

I can never pretend to understand, but I will always stand.

I’ve been on a huge learning curve this week and have, shamefully, come to the realisation, which I should have a long time ago, that it’s not enough to just not be racist. We must also be actively anti-racist and do everything in our power to ensure our children are too.

Today is a day to stop, listen, support, educate ourselves, donate, sign petitions, take action in any way we can, big and small, to make sure that everyone knows we stand with our fellow humans, family and friends. But we can’t just do this today. We must do it each and every day going forward ✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼✊🏻
And breathe! First day without both my babies for And breathe! First day without both my babies for the first time in 10 weeks today and it couldn’t have gone better. Both had wonderful days and were full of stories when they got home. I said over on stories last night, which got an incredible response so thank you to everyone who reached out, that I am completely comfortable with my choice to send the kids back to school and nursery but would never, ever judge anyone who felt different. We are all in different boats in this storm we’ve found ourselves in and what works for my family, might not work for yours. I have deliberately stayed out of the ‘are you sending your kids back or not?’ debate as it started to feel like another toxic discussion, in the media and on social media, that was resulting in yet another parenting divide.
I could have had the kids in this whole time, under key worker provision, but tried my best to hang on till the phased reopenings that I hoped would happen when they did. They were what I was aiming towards. Don’t get me wrong, I have LOVED having the kids at home together for such a sustained period, we have made lots of memories and learnt so much more about each other, but mixed in with the nature of my job and the fact that @thisdadalife is deployed and so I’m on my own with minimal support, I couldn’t have gone on much longer.
When I got in from dropping them off today, and as I went upstairs to work at my desk, I literally collapsed on the stairs and almost cried in relief. Relief that we made it through, as dramatic as that sounds. I don’t think I realised the toll it was taking mentally as I was constantly running on adrenaline.
I am so happy to get a bit more balance back and to, most importantly, feel like a better mum again. Not a snappy trying to juggle it all 24/7 with no break mum.
If you sent your kids back today, whether you wanted to or not, I’m with you and support you.
If you have kept them home in your bubble for longer, I’m with you and support you.
If you’re still unsure what to do and are undecided, I am with you and support you.
Nobody knows the full extent of someone else’s circumstances and we have to stop and realise that before we judge anyone else ❤️
Ibiza vibes in Puerto Gardeno today 😂☀️😅 Ibiza vibes in Puerto Gardeno today 😂☀️😅
This is the first year in YEARS that I have felt ok wearing a bikini. And I feel like it’s more down to how strong I feel, rather than how I look. Whatever it is, I hope it continues ❤️
On another note, how tanned does the @filterbymollymae fake tan make you look! 🙌🏻
(Both bikini and cover up are from last year).
#losingmyboobstho #youwinsomeyoulosesomehaha
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